Hi I’m Monica, I’m married and a mom of two adult children. Thinking back at all I have been through, I can say that my depression and signs of Borderline Personality Disorder started showing signs during my teenage years. I used to be very impulsive, I did not care much about what I did or getting in trouble, I hung around the wrong crowd and was just all over the place. I seemed to have calmed down around my senior year in high school. Shortly after graduating I got married and then had my children. Throughout all those years I believe my symptoms were in remission. The only signs I showed then was mostly anger and frustration.
Later on, as the years went by and things became a little more challenging, the depression started to sink in. I remember the kids being three and four years old and not being able to care for them. Thankfully my mother was there to help me through this hurdle. I was put on an antidepressant but it did worse for me than good so I stopped. It was not until a few years later that I decided I could not handle the depression on my own so I went to see a psychiatrist. I was not ashamed to discuss my symptoms with the doctor because all I wanted was to feel better. Little did I know the new world that was about to open for me.
I was originally diagnosed with Bipolar II, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. To this day I still feel that the Bipolar diagnosis was incorrect because I rarely have any manic episodes. I did end up going through some rapid cycling and manic episodes but that was not until much later. Throughout the years I have kept going to my doctors and they have all been wonderful in helping me manage my moods and emotions. I also see a psychologist (therapist) to talk about how I’m feeling and find ways to improve mentally and physically. If it would not have been for all the help I have received from my doctor’s I do not know how bad my depression would have gotten.
I urge anyone who feels like they’re in a dark place that first of all you’re not alone and that there is help! As a teenager I know it is hard to trust in other adults such as your parents, school counselor or professor. You may feel like they will not believe you or think you are making this up in your head. If you feel you are being treated this way, then you should find another adult you can trust that will help you. You may feel like there is no way out but there is a light. It may not be visible right now but the light will reveal itself to you, don’t give up. Always know there is someone there to listen and if you feel you have no one, there are always outside sources you can reach out to. You can do this!